I am just back from a fundraiser for a local nursery school. The evening began with a short presentation from Louise Kent of Free the Children. I have to admit to a good dose of skepticism when she started — really, who is that bubbly late on a Friday in the bowels of a local church? But then she sang a song about courage, from the perspective of small and not-so-small kids, and I was sold. It was a wonderful tribute to what it takes for a child to understand not only that positive change is possible in the world, but they can be the instrument of that change.
The key note speaker was Barbara Coloroso, a renowned parenting consultant. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but what I experienced was exhilarating. It was in fact a gift of energy and excitement and motivation from a complete stranger.
Barbara talked for two hours and in each minute I found another reason to be excited and reenergized about being a parent. She offered a no-nonsense approach to parenting, but more than that she focused on things like basic dignity and what it takes to raise an ethical human being — a human being that has compassion and deep kindness. She talked about three critical life lessons: 1. I like myself, 2. I can think for myself, and 3. there is no problem that is too big to bring home.
She talked about the difference between punishment and discipline; about asking children to own a problem and helping them learn to find solutions; about increasing choices and responsibilities as they grow so that by the time they leave home, they are making their own decisions as a productive and positive member of their community.
What stuck with me most though is her philosophy that good deeds/kindness should be reward in itself; that we as a society are so prone to providing incentives for good deeds e.g. rewards for fundraising that we negate the internal motivations that are innate to most of us; that we essentially teach our kids out of just being kind and good for kindness and goodness sake, not because it will get them something.
I am tired now, but ina good information-overload sort of way. I think I’ll come back to this tomorrow, but for now I’ll just say if you ever have the chance to hear Barbara, take it. She will renew your faith in what can be and how we can make the difference in the lives of the children we know and love.
